The Self-Proclaimed Blues Harmonica Dude

I had been asked by my frequent music partner to assist him in hosting a blues jam at a sports bar an hour away. Being no stranger to the tedious chore of backing up sub par ~ er, I mean, enthusiastic, still-working-on-their-chops blues musicians, I was tempted to pass. However, me still being unemployed up here in this wasteland of retail opportunities, I really had no choice but to take advantage of the meager cash it provides at the end of the day, and plus, it gives us an opportunity to work on new material for a our real gigs during our opening set each week. In other words, a paid band practice in exchange for encouraging and backing up beginner and intermediate jammers. Yeah.

So, we had our first jam this sunday, and the turnout was good. Some of our pro friends came out and made our jobs easy. We replaced another band that had been hosting the jam for over a year now, and when some of their regulars showed up, they weren't even aware that the host band was replaced by our band. Me being quite jaded by the blues jam scene (overkill in my Boston days), I had never attended the jam at this club before so I am not familiar with many of the regulars that show up for their 15 minutes of blues jam fame.

Now, I'm not one to be mean in public, and I try to be as sweet and encouraging as possible to everyone. It really does come natural for me.. but sometimes, oh yes, sometimes, I have a mean streak.. one which I only share with my closest people. And this blog today.

Case in point: The Self-Proclaimed Blues Harmonica Dude.

Every blues jam attracts them. This is the guy that walks the walk and talks the talk.

-Enters venue fashionably on time (so as to be sure to get a slot to play). Sometimes with adoring blonde girlfriend who attends every blues jam with him (these guys rarely get paying gigs, so every blues jam they can attend, they make.)

-Blues fashion, check. Cowboy boots, skinny blues jeans, leather belt, white shirt, black velvet vest, Blues Brothers style gangster hat, a man ring or two, and dark sunglasses, donned just before walking on stage.

-When SPBHD is given his slot, he asks where he can plug in his fancy Bullet mic. A Bullet mic is what the professional harmonica players use to maximize the sound output of the instrument.  They are not cheap.

-Sets down his fancy harmonica hard case, filled with harmonicas in every key. This, too, is not cheap.  Obviously, the dude has spent years building up his collection.

-The music begins. He blows and he sucks.

He really sucks!

The SPBHD has put so much into acquiring the trappings of his role, but forgets to do one thing.

Learn how to play!

It never fails. We can spot them a mile away. Sigh. Oh well, what harm will it do to have just one more Self-Proclaimed Blues Harmonica Dude in the world? Especially, when there will always be a blues jam, somewhere across America on every Sunday afternoon, that allows them 15 minutes of sheer harmonica bliss?  ;)


(And now here's an example of some great blues harmonica playing!)